The Four Agreements

Every so often, I come across wisdom that seems to stick.  “The Four Agreements” had been on my to-read list for a while (thanks to a very wise younger person) and, months after reading it, my mind takes me back to this Toltec guidance daily.  The message is simple; the work is hard.

It starts with, “Be Impeccable with Your Word.”  Considering that my dissertation began with, “Classroom language is powerful,” I guess I’ve always been fascinated with the power of language.  Or, maybe, “impeccable” is a just cool word to say.   Either way, knowing the good or bad you can do with your words doesn’t mean you are adept at doing the right thing.

I have found myself celebrating when stopping after making a statement and not continuing with unnecessary negative commentary.  It is difficult not to get dragged into the muck – especially when someone is looking to drag you into it with their words.  My greatest muck, however, is my own self-talk.  I do a lot of talking to (and answering) myself lately.  I am not kind.  Attempting to be impeccable is helping me work on that.

“Don’t Take Anything Personally,” is a little easier.  More so with strangers, but it’s a start.  People really aren’t doing anything because of me.  Cutting me off in traffic, being angry with the world, saying hurtful things – it’s about them.  Framing it in that way makes it easier to step back and think about what the other person is going through.  Granted, I may not care based on how selfish or mean they might be, but at least I’m not taking credit for it.

“Don’t Make Assumptions,” takes me back to my Strengths Coaching where you do assume – assume positive intent.  Starting with assuming positive intent, you are open to hearing the full background of what is going on before jumping to a (usually) negative conclusion.  There’s always more to the story and taking the time to ask questions and learn more can reap benefits.  Again, easier said than done.

It’s probably why the final agreement is, “Always Do Your Best.”  Saint Teresa of Calcutta said, “Saints are only sinners who keep trying.”  As with good habits you want to develop, working at being kinder to yourself and others daily, to the best of your ability, will get you closer to achieving a more peaceful life.

Maybe it was the simplicity of remembering four things or just hearing them in just this way at just the right time that stuck with me.  All that matters is that it has been and continues to be helpful every day.